today i had 3 appointments and one "online appointment"

i broadcast my cam and chat over a site where people who can find it and want to join and watch can. its description is " 12 day a young woman stays in a room on webcam for 24 hours" etc etc

so today i talke dto a guy from california, and it was really interesting because he began to tell me about himself and his problems, and it struck me how this person has no idea who i really am but feels comfortable talking about himself to me.

of course theres the possibilty that he could of been lying, but it struck me today how trusting people can be with people they may not know, who are essentially just faces and names on the internet.

i've had difficuly talking with my guests today, and feel like i am taking a step backwards in a way with my theory, im discovering more problems than i am solutions, but i am gathering a really good idea of what people would think and feel should differences be made.

so no major revelations today other than the fact that most things are flawed and difficult to try to work out and the possibility of change is almost so far out of reach that it saddens me.

also today i've hurt my back somehow and im severly missing outside and normal contact with people, as well as my privacy, even tough i never know whos watching me i always feel like somebody could be watching me, and my behavious changes accordingly.

sleep for tonight as i've got alot to do tommorow.

i had six guest in total today and some interesting results from peope on the other side of the webcam.

akin to what happens with the women (and men) on sex cams people started requesting things from me, for example stand on your head and do star jumps.

these requests were mostly silly in ways, i had anticipated that this is the more comfortable approach to a web cam, especially within the circumstances that many of the people knew me personally, so i would have been suprised should they have asked to to do somethings explicitly sexual, but i would have complied.

i guess theres still embaressment about sexual activites and when confronted with the options and the notions most seem to shy aways from the subject or put on a more jokey, casual stance towards it.

but its very much the same effect, the same " i can ask this person to do whatever i want them to do and they might do it" its the same power they gain over an individual and voyeristic in more ways than just a sexual way, the desire to see someone do something you have told them to do, regardless of whether it is sexual in nature is yet again still exercising this dominance and objectivity of the person on camera, and it brings out a part of peoples personality much in the same way as the sexy webcams, want, get , need.

i've been through many mixed emotions today, a suprising level of wanting to please my audience by doing the things they request of me even though i would not really like to, and when faced with this realisation i discovered that perhaps the women (men) on sexy webcams feel very much the same.

so i wonder what drives them to it? money? attention?

so many different factors come into this activity.

i felt immense fatigue after being on camera for several hours, it takes something from you that no other activity can, my father always said that cameras suck away your soul. i wonder how much soul i will have left after 10 more days if this is true. All i do know is that at this level of activity and surveillance by the time im finish, i will be different, maybe not forever, maybe not significantly so, but i can alreayd feel myself changing, pride to some extent is being broken down and im slowly realising i am a subject for amusment of others, i aam becoming more objectified than i ever have been.

i had a guest that was amazingly interesting, and we talked for the whole hour non stop, she was an ex-dominatrix who lead an amazing life, and she had very different views from mine.

my views are that of openess and learning about the many aspects of sex so that we can all make informed decisions on what is best for us. She was of the opinion that it should all be ones own buissiness and should not impeach on anyone elses rights to not need/want to know, i could not argue with her because i saw here point as extremly valid.

a person knows if they are not being fufilled in a way that they feel is right, and i hope they would activly seek out what then would fufill them, so there is no need for the sex to be so in your face all the time, or even exposed that much, but i do believe that there should be adeqaute and ample information should the person need it.

we also talked about de-criminalisation and legalisation, and how legalisation would in theory produce more problems because there would be the lack of "buzz" the same if sex was alot more open, if it was exposed alot more the would be less "buzz" and peple who are enticed by the thrill would look for mre elicit deeds to become involved in.

there was also the worry that de-criminalisation would bring about objectification in the sense that only if the one prostitute was her own boss (and everything inbetween) would there be no objectification or outside influence. but then i did argue that influence does not always have to come from outside sources, it can come from within yourself and perhaps a lack of confidence in anything but your physical attributes which could push someone completly by themselves into a sexual profession.

i have quite a few appointments tommorow which again should heed interesting results.

on a more personal subject i've been struggling with my practice in the sense that it is no way "complete" at this moment, its research and always on-going and re-hashing research, and until i gain all the information that i can, and as a result feel equipped enough to tackle the subject with publications and finished "products" if you will whatever i do for the next 1 to 40 years will only ever be progression towards this subject which can seem never ending in its quest to help inform and adapt the current state of life into something better. in that sense i feel my attempts futile on a short term basis.

no appointments today, set up took a while. and i performed a few exercises for my voice and rehearsed with myself my issues of interest.

http://www.zooweekly.co.uk/andipeters/archive/2007/04/26/the-10-most-under-rated-babes-on-zoo.htm



im an underrated goddess apparantly!

glad someone noticed...

Well i've been very very busy.

I've finished the group website today, its at www.artistsontherun.co.uk

yet again it was difficult to chase people up for content and thus the website is running 3 days late (was supposed to be done on sunday)

im aware that alot of people are super super busy, so am i, but i still manage to hit deadlines for work, because if you don't its just making more trouble for yourself eh?

other than that i have to finish my own website off, which i've designed and done all the images for, bar some of the content images, but i need to scan stuff from my installation in uni that is still up so i'll have to wait till tommorow to do that.

i have to arrange my image in my frame, which i know what its gonna be i just need to get it looking good in there.

i have to sort out my webcast next week and make sure its working, that'll be hard. i also have to write a disclaimer/release form for my guests (which i have the template for so thats okay) and i have to mock up an appointments system, allocating for my sleep time and lunch and dinner.

I have to organise my sketch books and finish off some writing.

i have to get my 4 minute video and showreel done for this friday, which i am going to be doing tommorow afternoon and evening and friday morning. so that should be okay.

then late next week when im up to date with my blog (thats this your reading!) i have to get it printed and bound for my independant study, because i believe it'll get read more and better than it would just on the web, people find reading stuff off a computer screen difficult...i find it eaiser!

tommorow i have to get alot of stuff printed up and i have to take down my installation. i'll be in uni at 9.30 me thinks drop off my stuff to get printed and then take down my installation. we're then going to make a large collage of all our work (posters and stuff) tommorow, hopefully that'll only take an hour or so. then on to editing!

So i've had a few responses from my current installation "interviews with prostitutes and other recordings from Amsterdam" and been fairly positive, my peers at uni seem to enjoy it, they like the audio recordings and the drawings, and many seem really shocked/interested in what i got up to, i guess because its fairly umm unusual activity, especially since i went with my parents and they were involved in the way that i would talk to them about what i was oing to do that day and why.

and then i listened to a critque that worried me, first it was that my presentation was shoddy, yes i believe it was i wanted very much to have a big arm chair (preferably one like in the hotel at amsterdam) and some really nice furniture, but alas im 1000+ in debt to the bank through living and cannot, even though i desperatly wanted to, afford a nice set up....its true i didn't think massivly hard about how i would set it up. I wanted it in the foyer because the space is regularly walked through and people would (hopefully) stop and see. and i wanted it to be comfortable, as there was 6+ hours of recordings and books, i wanted a very..."homey" look because i really didn't think putting it on plinths and tables would be appropriate, its a piece about life and disscussion and i didn't want the dictated pleasentarys of "art" to get in the way of people exploring the work. I chose the most appropriate pieces of furniture that i could aquire, i wanted the pornography and more seedy items to be hidden, but not restricted acess to, so i put them in a cupboard.
I did have a terrible time with how i should display the pictures on the wall...i very almost didn't put the pictures on the wall...and was going to just leave them in a pile to be flicked through.

Presentation has always been my downfall...lately anyway, before it was drive and content with a good presentation, now its the opposite, i seem to be so busy with the issues and the research that the presentation lacks or perhaps doesn't really matter so much....but then again i am working in visual arts!....though i do feel like i would be better suited right now to sociology or politics.

but the shoddy presentation comment wasn't the thing that bothered me so much, it was the fact that the most engaging part of the piece for them was when i talked to my mother and father about what i was going to do that day and ethics of prostitution.

I do not want my relationship with my parents to become the most interesting part of my work, i want the issues that are talked about to be the most interesting part, the most enaging part, the curiosity and the asking of questions and answering of questions on both parts and the working out of feelings and posistions on the issues. yes my work is often conversational, between audience and performer, and i form that relationship to talk honestly about what we both feel about an issue that i am tackling.
it seems people were astonished with the fact that my parents knew i was engaging in these illicit activies, and then many people seemed to reflect on their own relationship with their parents back to me.

Sex still has this stigma, it shocks people that i openly discuss it and experience things which are not considered 'proper' or at least not to be openly conversational about details.
In reality when the few people approached me i explained that many of the activities i participated in were not explicit in the least, they were very orchestrated and lacked the human reality, at times these more human instants creeped through in the peoples actions, but then it again was just their job.

i have a fantastic relationship with my parents, but only in regards to my artwork, personal details of life and ups and downs are not as developed as other peoples relationships with their parents, i have very liberal and free thinking parents in the terms of rights and issues, personal problems, however are often glossed over or ignored until the point of breaking.
So that is why they are openly involved with my 'art-sexual' because it has none of the feelings connected to it.

But yes this worried me that the fact that i was disscusing these issues with my parents was more interesting than the fact that i was discussing the issues. i would have talked about the issues to anyone and everyone, regardless of relation.

On the other hand i realised that there may be something in my relationship with my parents, i understand its interesting, especially within the context of sex.
I have considered doing alot of work with my parents on the subject of sex, but i believe they would not appreciate extensive involement and neither would i, my art is not about the relationship's as such, perhaps more about the fact that i form relationships in order to talk about the subject in relative comfort. in that way, everyone is my parents.

I can tell that my lifes work will never be done, and the few people who are waiting on copies of my book (yes, my BOOK!) will probably be waiting anything up to 5 years + and by then i'll have alot more research too....it never ends! in a likeable way though...i wouldn't want it to end...what would i do? what crusade would i go on then?

dear me.

I'm a little bit scared that having done no previous work with webcams that my piece for degree show will flop....i've researched alot but not actual 'piece'.... maybe i should broadcast a night of my life for a test.

my degree show piece has a title now too "12 days of performance, interaction and information gathering"

im not sure whether to tack "via webcam" on the end...its not really the most important part of the piece, the talkinga nd performing is the most important bit...


in other personal news i have to have a blood test on friday because i have a strange rash on my belly.
i can hear the results now,

"miss aplin? you have 'insert rare tropical disease here' its terribly contagious and also has the tendancy to make sufferers terrible at making art, oh your degree show is tommorow? oh dear..."

just my luck.

anyway other than that i think im all updated...i've ran out of space on my picture posts so can't post any until i start deleting stuff....

see now im just rambling....

so i got back from amsterdam late friday night, had work on saturday and stayed at jame's till sunday (today) afternoon, so have yet to really sum up my trip.

The whole point of this trip was to

a) meet some women who work in the sex industry

I had tried for a few months to get in contact with some women who work in brothels/massage parlours here in england, but always met with resistance and an unwilling attitude, even though i stated several times that it would be done very very legit and i would not require any identities. Still all of the women i tried to contact said no or hung up...short of actually going to work in one of these houses, (which believe me i considered had it not been for my boyfriend) i would have never been able to gather information, other than constant speculation on my recurring rejections.

b) experience a different culture which has relaxed views on sex and the sex industry, the dutch have a generally more relaxed and open sexuality, im still not sure why, growing up there, your not exposed to the sex totally but there is a more open attitude towards it all.

But yes it was a very fruitful trip, i got two very useful interviews and a few little ones here and there. did alot of sound recoding notes and drawings, and throughly experienced the red light area and went through alot of conflicting emotions while i engaged in the usual practices there.

This coming tuesday i am going to be creating an installation of all my findings so if any one wants to come along to that, great, it'll be at uni (howard gardens)

i don't really want to decribe or write down to much of what i got up to because its partly to do with hearing it in person and asking and answering questions in my final piece.
but in the installation on tuesday you can hear all my sound recordings of the trip.

i've just been reading up on COYOTE which is an organisation for the de-crimilisation of sex workers...which i think is my stand point...but i think im going to write up a few of my own thoughts/solutions and what not on the subjects.

well i just lost my last blog post because of bad hotel internet but hey...here i go then! re-type!


well its the seocnd day here in amsterdam (research project) and i've had a massive packed day.

i had no interviews shedualed for today so i took today off to go to a few museums, went to the cobra museum, the Stadelich (spelling?) and i went to a christies auction house.

the cobra museum was amazing, it had modern art from the 50's onwards, painting mostly but it had this awesome contemporary exhibition upstairs, very political and up to date, with alot of graffiti art and intervention work.

im recording my thoughts on cassette tape at the ends of each day so i won't go into much detail here,

the christies auction house was weird because i was really underdress and the staff looked very evily at me , but it was good to see classical type painting up that close and to read the prcies that were going for them, the most expesnisve one was a cool half a mil!

then the stadelich which was relocated with a temporary exhibition was good, there was a solo exhibition of paul chans work which was all projection stuff, it was called something like lights and sketches, i had to rush it because it was near to closing.
there was a good mapping the city exhibition which i thjought jenni savage would have liked! it was good because i saw a valie export video of touch and tap cinema. and discovere da few new artists to look at

there were a few gilbert and georges, a bill viola and a few bruce neuman projections but all the work was really timebasedy so it was awesome , and a really good cup of tea in the cafe!

it then rained real bad and i got caught up in the rain in the red light district. a man tried to get me and mum to go into a sex show to get out of the rain but eh NO!

right well this wasn't the whole post but im worried it won't post so i'll re-jij this when i get back because i managed to print the original blog! k seeya bye!

I often wonder who actually reads this?

i know Katie and James (my very good friend and Boyfriend) read this, but other than that...i don't see who would really.

Anyway i've had a busy few days, Was at London on the 25th performing at Tesco disco (http://www.tescodisco.co.uk/)

Which was curated by the lovely people at Animate:Space (http://www.animatespace.com/)

It went really well, i'll put some pf the phtos up from the night after this post.

I performed 'O more Please' a slight variation of 'O please' which had a shorter duration and the obvious different venue context.
It hurt alot more this time around than the first time, because there were people constantly around me looking at me, so there was rarely any time in which to ajust my position, this resulted in a terrible cramp towards the last hour of the night in which i swore very loudly under my velvet and endured till it passed. needless to say i had a terrible headache afterwards but was nontheless exceptionally pleased with how it had went.

Mixed reactions really, alot of people seemed to like it, some were worried about my health others really did not believe i was real, but all in all i confronted people with my representation of female and it could not have really gone better, minus the cramp.

Also a man slapped me rather hard on the ass at one point, i was fairly un-phased as im quite used to slaps on the butt and enjoy them emensly.

The people at Animate:space (Ollie and Jo) are such lovely people and i really hope i can work with them in the future.

So while in Mad london me and jim decided to culture up ourselves and went on over to the tate modern. Saw the fantastic surrealist exhibition and an amazing film by man ray and salvador dali (among others).
Then we went and paid £16 (and thats the student fare!) to see the Gilbert and George ehibition, which was damn good, really enjoyed their 70's work and the 90's work, not so much the 80's and present stuff, but thats the way time goes, fad's and all.
Bought a couple of books while there, a guerilla girls activity book (very funny) and a women artists one, and also a surrealists book for my father because he loves that stuff.

i didn't forget to drop by the Japan Centre and get my dose of mangacrack, spent £25 on manag i can't read, but i love love love the japanese design and stuff so bah, don't care! picked up a naruto volume, one with lots of shikamaru, yay.

anyway, for friday i pretty much just nursed my sore knees and head, and then staurday was work, sunday was food shopping and then monday was organising, today i helped out caz with her pedalpower cafe (http://www.pedalcafe.co.uk/) and then cleaned so now need to get cracking with putting all my final plans into motion.

Am off to Amsterdam next week for an art filled time, registered with Skype which is amazing, so i can make cheaper international calls so im all set....only hiccup as of late is that i'm having second thoughts about what i am exactly doing for degree show, so may not need to spend £150 on renting a room across from uni....but need to seriously think on that.

don't forget to check the photos!

xx