ordinary vanity

work wise....

polly — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 10:09:00 +0000

i am working on stuff, art and the like. its just nothing seems to come to fruition, nothing seems likes good enough an idea to go through with it.

i want to do work with slides, tiny projections and tiny printed images.
i working on something called 'intimate moments' and am currently writing an ad for a few "lonely hearts" for local newspapers in order to find subjects willing to be photographed or filmed.

such is the life of a lack-luster artist.

a list of things that get me off

polly — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 01:24:00 +0000

Biting
being bitten
being dominated
dominating others
collars and leashes
the idea of rape
forceful sex
being fucked over the kitchen sink
homosexual erotic fiction (gay and lesbian)
Straight porn without audio
being spanked on my bottom
fucking with underwear still on
being fucked against a wall
being fucked while in work
having my legs/thighs spread wide
Holding in7 piss
being fucked/serviced by two or more people (but not double penetration)
fucking a virgin
fucking a younger male
Any form of frottage
being fucked in a short skirt
the act of pegging a male
pulling hair
whipping/being whipped
tit wanks

musing on my predatory nature

polly — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 00:04:00 +0100

sometimes we are like cats playing with mice (men) just before we eat them whole.

just chew them a bit, bat them around....all fun and games

when you have a perfect (or so you think) piece of bait its a great feeling to then play with them.

MA-Fine Art proposal

polly — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 22:56:00 +0100

MA Studio Proposal

“Untitled collection of research vol. 3” – Working title

My proposed Masters studio practice will be an extension/continuation of my current practice.
My main protocol for my exhibition or resulting work are provoke, inform and discuss. My work must take aboard the issues of which I am tackling, gain confidence in my knowledge of the subject, formulate a provoking end result that encourages the passing of information and a discussion of the subject tackled.

I will gain a wider knowledge of sociological studies and methodologies. From this I will learn a sophisticated way of collecting and recording data, which is used to inform a plan for a final piece.
I will gain a wider knowledge of the intricacies of the people and processes involved in the sex trade as I investigate them, continuing my research of varied aspects of the industry in order to gain a digest of knowledge that can be referred and used through the application of research to exhibition work.
I need to work on the form/discipline of my end results (sculpture, performance, installation, video etc) not that the format matters more than the information given, but not to let myself fall into routine and safe habits and to experiment with the correct or most natural way to present my work, given the criteria of maximum impact/effect.
My process involves using the structure outlined above and then a form of integration or intervention into the given culture (experiencing the effects and feelings of the lifestyles I am investigating). I then allow myself accompanied by my research (whatever form this has manifested) to the public, often in the form of an interactive performance, although this format is flexible. The discussion is integral to the purpose of the piece as the desired effect is that of giving knowledge and debating the issues raised on the subject, in order to promote an understanding that will eventually benefit the public and the sex workers in positive ways.
My work relates to contemporary art with social conscious. The idealistic fruition of my body of work is that of an improved lifestyle for sex workers and those involved with the sex industry and an informed understanding of the sex industry and the lives of the people therein by the public.
The work exists primarily within the public domain and creates the most potent effect when viewed/experienced between two parties, the guest and the artist (myself), though this formula is flexible given particular circumstances.

i revival of sorts

polly — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 01:34:00 +0100

I had not forgotten about this journal, nor intended to let it die.

i have been quite busy, i will not go into detail.

to put aside the matter of this "vacation" from blogging i would like to inform my blog readers (if any!) that i have started my Masters of Fine Art course and am writting my studio proposal now, which i will post here when i have finished.

about an hour or so?

12 days 11th day

polly — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 23:00:00 +0100

So, after feeling quite bizarre earlier i've gotten back to "normality"

I have been thinking about the whole art context of the work that i'm making and i've come to the conclusions that: often art needs to be whats conventional as 'art', its pleasent and its safe.
But when it becomes something not so tried and tested, it becomes interesting because so many other factors come into consideration regarding its existance and the debate about whether its art or not comes up. which is not explored enough.

because a painting is a painting or a sculpture is a sculpture or a video is a video you don't really ask the question well, is this art? because its established already to some extent that it is art.

i feel validated by what i'm doing because it helps people, it allows me to gain a wider understanding for my ultimate goal, its interesting and to some extent fairly new, its self-debatable you can talk about it within it, not around it or after it, but through while you are experiencing it.
I'm getting great documentation from it, and building relationships with people that will last longer than the extent of the art piece, because they are involved i am involved and in a way through my research they will be there within the piece until (if ever) it is completed.

I was brought some Fimo (modelling clay) today, by my guest and i was confused as to what to do with it. This piece has no tangible structures other than my own thinking-actions.
so while in my state of mild boredom i have been just playing with it, and the shapes it takes while i think then become "sculptures"

I'm feeling today as if i could spend a lot longer in here, and it would be great thought wise and revelations wise, but i do believe it would drive me mad, not in a ultimatly bad way, but i do belive there is a limit per time that i could perform this, and as much as my thoughts and mind have been expanded, i also crave to get back to the normality of my everyday life.

i also miss fresh air and exercise.

i think i have come across a way to explore thoughts now, remove stimulus and push yourself.

12 days 11th day (afternoon)

polly — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 14:59:00 +0100

after talking with a guest, i want to get out of here even more.

not because of the guest or anything we talked about/said to each other, but because the fact that i'm even now at the end of my time here beginning to discover things, about life and art and everything. it scares me.

im scared by the prospect of suddenly coming to a conclusion that perhaps i haven't thought that i would and that potentially the suprise could kill me.

i just used the word kill, thats quite strange, i think i was gunning more towards "could drive me insane".

i've also just noticed how more and more my thought process has become more and more narrative.

i'm not quite sure whats happening but i'm delightfully scared but not as much as i would be if i was in here for another extended period of time.

12 days 10th day

polly — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 22:23:00 +0100

two guests today, both at the same time though, they were my parents.

most people seem to be willing and enthusiastic in their want for things to change, but so very often what they say contradicts what they say they want to happen.

stepping on toes is inevitable.

to say that you would be accepting of situations is all well and good, but often when you are faced with a situation (often new to you) the reaction is bad, or confused.

theres a sinking feeling i have that i'm really going to have to tackle what is "normal" and normalities, and as long as people and areas of exploration are given terminology and effectivly given their place it'll be hard to then think outside or beyond its 'place'.

I idly thought today that perhaps time is going faster than it usually would, perhaps because i am paying more attention to it, i must look at the time every 2 hours or so, i don't notice myself do it now, but i'm definatly makinga mental note of the countdown.
and as the time gets closer to the end i feel something coil within me that i cannot describe as relief or reluctance.
i must admit i mostly feel safe here, bored (in the way that the concept of boredom has changed for me) and restless, but i do wonder what it'll feel like to be outside of this space.
because i have no books, no tv not stimulus to speak of i have no real desire for it, and i also find myself thinking more and more clearly.

sometimes i think that time has specifically stopped for me when i sense no movement, early in the morning for example.
it starts almost as soon as i think its stopped.
i think a sense of panic washes over me when i think its stopped because i then somehow feel like i will be confined to my room indefinatly, even though in theory if time stopped there would be nothing but myself keeping myself here.

12 days 9th day

polly — Wed, 06 Jun 2007 23:52:00 +0100

I had no vistors today, but some interesting conversations over the web, with one man from india and a few people from the gallery where this is being primarily broadcast.

another man with an alias "Wolf" got fairly angry with me because i did not reply to him straight away after asking me a question. If this is what you do day in day out i wonder now, if verbal anger through a chat and voice system are as potent as the real physical thing, or even just to a lesser extent.
to what extent then can the webcam models detatch themselves from real emotions and typed emotions.
and how do they maask and hide their boredom/fatigue. do they even feel the need to?

i must admit i've become quite adept at handling my actions around the webcam, finding blind spots and such to do things, yet still sometimes i forget i am on camera and my expressions give away what i am thinking or doing.

with each lovely sunny day i find myself getting more and more frustrated that i cannot be outside in order to enjoy the sun, and i have noticed even though i get adquate sleep, perhaps even more sleep than i need, i have developed very large bags under my eyes, perhaps its from the effort/stress of my position, but i don't know. all i know is that i am getting good amounts of sleep and yet i'm always tired and getting more grouchy, i have developed my nervous rash i often get and my skin doesn't seem to be too healthy.
all a by product of not enough outside exercise i think, i really am going to just spend most of my "free" time outside when i get out.

12 days 8th day

polly — Tue, 05 Jun 2007 22:58:00 +0100

I had one vistor today, lat ein the afternoon, so i had a pretty relaxed day, took some more pictures, the wall is starting to look barer as the days go by, and i really do want to fill at least one wall.

got brought a book today, seems people that know me are sympathetic of my predicament and it brings out the generosity in them, like im in hospital...or under arrest, very peculiar.

been wondering for two days now whether this experiments usefulness as come to a halt.
i'm not getting many visitors, although the internet/online vistors are still abundant, mostly with bad/rude intentions but i do get the occasional ones genuinly interested in what im doing and why.

i think things will pick up after thursday, so friday and saturday should be quite busy and therefore interesting.

wondering slightly if the world has stopped outside my room here and actually nothing is happening bar what is happening here, which is pretty much nothing. but thats a whole other debate.

12 days - 7th day

polly — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 23:34:00 +0100

small annoyances today,

i lost a chat log because the client i am using to chat to people with crashed later in the day, so i am now going tosave chats at intervals during the day.

had a fairly busy but paced day. one appointment at 12 another at 2 both of which were interesting in there own way.
i discovered that my reasoning for my work and research might not be wholly for other peoples benefit and could very well be part of a personal "journey" i am on.
In a way yes this is true, i am always learning and always trying to better myself in whatever way seems appropriate, and if this subject didn't mean much to me i believe it would not have been taken on so seriously by myself.

days seem to be getting shorter aswell, for whatever reason, perhaps im finally getting used to the sheduale, but i have been finding lots of things to do and lots of things to think about.
Its strange the kindness in people is brought out when you see/know someone that your are accquainted with is is an unfavourable position that you yourself would not like to be in. i have recieved quite alot of things, small presents and such to keep me entertained.

sombody bought me a ceramic pet dish to decorate while i talked with her in an appointment, a strange new development but very interesting for my notes.

i wonder 7th day?

polly — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 11:36:00 +0100

i wonder whether i will develop any other "pollys" to keep me company...maybe i already have.

12 days 6th day

polly — Sun, 03 Jun 2007 21:28:00 +0100

after a slight hiccup in plans on the night of the 5th day i awoke a little later than usual on the 6th day.

having had no appointments on the 5th day i was feeling a little detached from real people, having only my virtual "fans" to converse with.
i had a rather in depth conversation about the whys and hows of webcam women and propmtly nearing the end of the fairly in depth and insightful conversation he stated.

"can we have camera sex now?"

i don't really have many words to describe what i felt. and now i feel that even if i actually could or did do something that made it safer and better for each party would anyone really still care as long as they were getting their sex?

i started putting up my pictures in earnest, i must get more developed and printed, as it is looking quite interesting.

My one appointment was probably the most casual due to my waining energy and growing distatse for my room, but it was productive none-the-less, we talked about the subject of education and how laws are passed and law and government in general.
its amazing to find what subjects come about from other subjects and just how differently everybody reacts to them, views may be similar but there are never two the same.

12 days 5th day

polly — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 23:27:00 +0100

not a good day at all.

i had no guests today that wanted to come to speak to me and i began to really feel the toll of being on cam and dealing with anonymus people that are very demading and very rude.

i found out what the average wage for a girl working on camera per week is, $300.

but you have to build a good fanbase before you can start earning really good money.

it makes me a little sick in a way because the information on the sites where you sugn up to become a webcam model give VERY limited information.

earn $1000's!
Huge cash prizes for the best webcam model!
easy money from home!

But i guess that how they get their models, if it diodn't sound appealing, nobody would want to do it.
i keep getting really angry with it, and how it makes you feel, but then i keep thinking back to the fact that many jobs, should you not enjoy them could be this un-satisfying, and if you let it, degrading.

i mean take somebody whos really in support of local buissiness's, i imagine they would feel fairly similar if they then went to work for a big multinational corporation.

sometimes we just cannot get past the sex.

its only if it bothers you or if you let it bother you. that's why the faint of heart and weak of mind could not really cope with this job, you have to have alot of confidence and be very comfortable with your own body, i guess to the extent that you don't feel it is being exploited, or you can detatch yourself from it completly and just do your job.

12 days 5th day - morning

polly — Sat, 02 Jun 2007 12:05:00 +0100

uploading pictures to voyeur website:

description:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
for 12 days im constantly on webcam and taking photos of myself.
i am watching myself as i am being watched, they are watching me live and watch myself constantly.
i am surrounded by evidence of watching myself.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

www.projectvoyeur.com

12 days day 4

polly — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 22:39:00 +0100

had a very difficuly day today, after yesterday i was feeling drained to the point where i'd taken many steps back in my thinking.

things only slightly im proved today, i had one appointments which was very good, but numerous online appointments that were grating, enlightening and bizarre. all of which will feature in the presentation of my research during the public gallery show.

deterioration of my "spirit" and general fatigue has gotten gradually worse today, alothough i've picked up after this evening with a somewht re-newed energy to carry on dispite feeling like 7 more days are going to be hellish.

so theory wise i've decided that webcam's are good in the way that they don't physically hurt either party involved, but the emotional and verbal abuse can penetrate deeper should it get to you, with a hardened individual i believe this abuse could be brushed off of even just filtered out, so thats why i thought that more information should be avalible for girls (and men) when signing up for webcam work, or alternativly they should be given some form of training/talk to prepare themselves for what could happen. based on personality, as long as one was a strong enough person to take the verbal abuse and allow it not to harm them it would be fine.
another harmful factor could be the ditatchment from reality that the "punters" or people who use the webcam service could eventually fall victim to, this again would hopefully be avoided with education from teenage years upwards on realities and non-realities, coupled with wide edcuation in other sexual activies.

the real question is how to go about educating in a way that isn't intrusive and that would be beneficial.

as of yet i have no appointments tommorow so im going to spend the better part of the day taking pictures and personal reflection. i'm going to try an action tommorow, which i will record and assess afterwards.

12 days day 3

polly — Thu, 31 May 2007 22:33:00 +0100

today i had 3 appointments and one "online appointment"

i broadcast my cam and chat over a site where people who can find it and want to join and watch can. its description is " 12 day a young woman stays in a room on webcam for 24 hours" etc etc

so today i talke dto a guy from california, and it was really interesting because he began to tell me about himself and his problems, and it struck me how this person has no idea who i really am but feels comfortable talking about himself to me.

of course theres the possibilty that he could of been lying, but it struck me today how trusting people can be with people they may not know, who are essentially just faces and names on the internet.

i've had difficuly talking with my guests today, and feel like i am taking a step backwards in a way with my theory, im discovering more problems than i am solutions, but i am gathering a really good idea of what people would think and feel should differences be made.

so no major revelations today other than the fact that most things are flawed and difficult to try to work out and the possibility of change is almost so far out of reach that it saddens me.

also today i've hurt my back somehow and im severly missing outside and normal contact with people, as well as my privacy, even tough i never know whos watching me i always feel like somebody could be watching me, and my behavious changes accordingly.

sleep for tonight as i've got alot to do tommorow.

12 days 2nd day

polly — Wed, 30 May 2007 23:30:00 +0100

i had six guest in total today and some interesting results from peope on the other side of the webcam.

akin to what happens with the women (and men) on sex cams people started requesting things from me, for example stand on your head and do star jumps.

these requests were mostly silly in ways, i had anticipated that this is the more comfortable approach to a web cam, especially within the circumstances that many of the people knew me personally, so i would have been suprised should they have asked to to do somethings explicitly sexual, but i would have complied.

i guess theres still embaressment about sexual activites and when confronted with the options and the notions most seem to shy aways from the subject or put on a more jokey, casual stance towards it.

but its very much the same effect, the same " i can ask this person to do whatever i want them to do and they might do it" its the same power they gain over an individual and voyeristic in more ways than just a sexual way, the desire to see someone do something you have told them to do, regardless of whether it is sexual in nature is yet again still exercising this dominance and objectivity of the person on camera, and it brings out a part of peoples personality much in the same way as the sexy webcams, want, get , need.

i've been through many mixed emotions today, a suprising level of wanting to please my audience by doing the things they request of me even though i would not really like to, and when faced with this realisation i discovered that perhaps the women (men) on sexy webcams feel very much the same.

so i wonder what drives them to it? money? attention?

so many different factors come into this activity.

i felt immense fatigue after being on camera for several hours, it takes something from you that no other activity can, my father always said that cameras suck away your soul. i wonder how much soul i will have left after 10 more days if this is true. All i do know is that at this level of activity and surveillance by the time im finish, i will be different, maybe not forever, maybe not significantly so, but i can alreayd feel myself changing, pride to some extent is being broken down and im slowly realising i am a subject for amusment of others, i aam becoming more objectified than i ever have been.

i had a guest that was amazingly interesting, and we talked for the whole hour non stop, she was an ex-dominatrix who lead an amazing life, and she had very different views from mine.

my views are that of openess and learning about the many aspects of sex so that we can all make informed decisions on what is best for us. She was of the opinion that it should all be ones own buissiness and should not impeach on anyone elses rights to not need/want to know, i could not argue with her because i saw here point as extremly valid.

a person knows if they are not being fufilled in a way that they feel is right, and i hope they would activly seek out what then would fufill them, so there is no need for the sex to be so in your face all the time, or even exposed that much, but i do believe that there should be adeqaute and ample information should the person need it.

we also talked about de-criminalisation and legalisation, and how legalisation would in theory produce more problems because there would be the lack of "buzz" the same if sex was alot more open, if it was exposed alot more the would be less "buzz" and peple who are enticed by the thrill would look for mre elicit deeds to become involved in.

there was also the worry that de-criminalisation would bring about objectification in the sense that only if the one prostitute was her own boss (and everything inbetween) would there be no objectification or outside influence. but then i did argue that influence does not always have to come from outside sources, it can come from within yourself and perhaps a lack of confidence in anything but your physical attributes which could push someone completly by themselves into a sexual profession.

i have quite a few appointments tommorow which again should heed interesting results.

on a more personal subject i've been struggling with my practice in the sense that it is no way "complete" at this moment, its research and always on-going and re-hashing research, and until i gain all the information that i can, and as a result feel equipped enough to tackle the subject with publications and finished "products" if you will whatever i do for the next 1 to 40 years will only ever be progression towards this subject which can seem never ending in its quest to help inform and adapt the current state of life into something better. in that sense i feel my attempts futile on a short term basis.

1st day

polly — Tue, 29 May 2007 22:17:00 +0100

no appointments today, set up took a while. and i performed a few exercises for my voice and rehearsed with myself my issues of interest.

Zoo link

polly — Fri, 25 May 2007 23:06:00 +0100

http://www.zooweekly.co.uk/andipeters/archive/2007/04/26/the-10-most-under-rated-babes-on-zoo.htm

im an underrated goddess apparantly!

glad someone noticed...

Up to date happenings

polly — Thu, 17 May 2007 01:25:00 +0100

Well i've been very very busy.

I've finished the group website today, its at www.artistsontherun.co.uk

yet again it was difficult to chase people up for content and thus the website is running 3 days late (was supposed to be done on sunday)

im aware that alot of people are super super busy, so am i, but i still manage to hit deadlines for work, because if you don't its just making more trouble for yourself eh?

other than that i have to finish my own website off, which i've designed and done all the images for, bar some of the content images, but i need to scan stuff from my installation in uni that is still up so i'll have to wait till tommorow to do that.

i have to arrange my image in my frame, which i know what its gonna be i just need to get it looking good in there.

i have to sort out my webcast next week and make sure its working, that'll be hard. i also have to write a disclaimer/release form for my guests (which i have the template for so thats okay) and i have to mock up an appointments system, allocating for my sleep time and lunch and dinner.

I have to organise my sketch books and finish off some writing.

i have to get my 4 minute video and showreel done for this friday, which i am going to be doing tommorow afternoon and evening and friday morning. so that should be okay.

then late next week when im up to date with my blog (thats this your reading!) i have to get it printed and bound for my independant study, because i believe it'll get read more and better than it would just on the web, people find reading stuff off a computer screen difficult...i find it eaiser!

tommorow i have to get alot of stuff printed up and i have to take down my installation. i'll be in uni at 9.30 me thinks drop off my stuff to get printed and then take down my installation. we're then going to make a large collage of all our work (posters and stuff) tommorow, hopefully that'll only take an hour or so. then on to editing!

So i've had a few responses from my current installation "interviews with prostitutes and other recordings from Amsterdam" and been fairly positive, my peers at uni seem to enjoy it, they like the audio recordings and the drawings, and many seem really shocked/interested in what i got up to, i guess because its fairly umm unusual activity, especially since i went with my parents and they were involved in the way that i would talk to them about what i was oing to do that day and why.

and then i listened to a critque that worried me, first it was that my presentation was shoddy, yes i believe it was i wanted very much to have a big arm chair (preferably one like in the hotel at amsterdam) and some really nice furniture, but alas im 1000+ in debt to the bank through living and cannot, even though i desperatly wanted to, afford a nice set up....its true i didn't think massivly hard about how i would set it up. I wanted it in the foyer because the space is regularly walked through and people would (hopefully) stop and see. and i wanted it to be comfortable, as there was 6+ hours of recordings and books, i wanted a very..."homey" look because i really didn't think putting it on plinths and tables would be appropriate, its a piece about life and disscussion and i didn't want the dictated pleasentarys of "art" to get in the way of people exploring the work. I chose the most appropriate pieces of furniture that i could aquire, i wanted the pornography and more seedy items to be hidden, but not restricted acess to, so i put them in a cupboard.
I did have a terrible time with how i should display the pictures on the wall...i very almost didn't put the pictures on the wall...and was going to just leave them in a pile to be flicked through.

Presentation has always been my downfall...lately anyway, before it was drive and content with a good presentation, now its the opposite, i seem to be so busy with the issues and the research that the presentation lacks or perhaps doesn't really matter so much....but then again i am working in visual arts!....though i do feel like i would be better suited right now to sociology or politics.

but the shoddy presentation comment wasn't the thing that bothered me so much, it was the fact that the most engaging part of the piece for them was when i talked to my mother and father about what i was going to do that day and ethics of prostitution.

I do not want my relationship with my parents to become the most interesting part of my work, i want the issues that are talked about to be the most interesting part, the most enaging part, the curiosity and the asking of questions and answering of questions on both parts and the working out of feelings and posistions on the issues. yes my work is often conversational, between audience and performer, and i form that relationship to talk honestly about what we both feel about an issue that i am tackling.
it seems people were astonished with the fact that my parents knew i was engaging in these illicit activies, and then many people seemed to reflect on their own relationship with their parents back to me.

Sex still has this stigma, it shocks people that i openly discuss it and experience things which are not considered 'proper' or at least not to be openly conversational about details.
In reality when the few people approached me i explained that many of the activities i participated in were not explicit in the least, they were very orchestrated and lacked the human reality, at times these more human instants creeped through in the peoples actions, but then it again was just their job.

i have a fantastic relationship with my parents, but only in regards to my artwork, personal details of life and ups and downs are not as developed as other peoples relationships with their parents, i have very liberal and free thinking parents in the terms of rights and issues, personal problems, however are often glossed over or ignored until the point of breaking.
So that is why they are openly involved with my 'art-sexual' because it has none of the feelings connected to it.

But yes this worried me that the fact that i was disscusing these issues with my parents was more interesting than the fact that i was discussing the issues. i would have talked about the issues to anyone and everyone, regardless of relation.

On the other hand i realised that there may be something in my relationship with my parents, i understand its interesting, especially within the context of sex.
I have considered doing alot of work with my parents on the subject of sex, but i believe they would not appreciate extensive involement and neither would i, my art is not about the relationship's as such, perhaps more about the fact that i form relationships in order to talk about the subject in relative comfort. in that way, everyone is my parents.

I can tell that my lifes work will never be done, and the few people who are waiting on copies of my book (yes, my BOOK!) will probably be waiting anything up to 5 years + and by then i'll have alot more research too....it never ends! in a likeable way though...i wouldn't want it to end...what would i do? what crusade would i go on then?

dear me.

I'm a little bit scared that having done no previous work with webcams that my piece for degree show will flop....i've researched alot but not actual 'piece'.... maybe i should broadcast a night of my life for a test.

my degree show piece has a title now too "12 days of performance, interaction and information gathering"

im not sure whether to tack "via webcam" on the end...its not really the most important part of the piece, the talkinga nd performing is the most important bit...

in other personal news i have to have a blood test on friday because i have a strange rash on my belly.
i can hear the results now,

"miss aplin? you have 'insert rare tropical disease here' its terribly contagious and also has the tendancy to make sufferers terrible at making art, oh your degree show is tommorow? oh dear..."

just my luck.

anyway other than that i think im all updated...i've ran out of space on my picture posts so can't post any until i start deleting stuff....

see now im just rambling....

amsterdam sum up

polly — Mon, 14 May 2007 00:07:00 +0100

so i got back from amsterdam late friday night, had work on saturday and stayed at jame's till sunday (today) afternoon, so have yet to really sum up my trip.

The whole point of this trip was to

a) meet some women who work in the sex industry

I had tried for a few months to get in contact with some women who work in brothels/massage parlours here in england, but always met with resistance and an unwilling attitude, even though i stated several times that it would be done very very legit and i would not require any identities. Still all of the women i tried to contact said no or hung up...short of actually going to work in one of these houses, (which believe me i considered had it not been for my boyfriend) i would have never been able to gather information, other than constant speculation on my recurring rejections.

b) experience a different culture which has relaxed views on sex and the sex industry, the dutch have a generally more relaxed and open sexuality, im still not sure why, growing up there, your not exposed to the sex totally but there is a more open attitude towards it all.

But yes it was a very fruitful trip, i got two very useful interviews and a few little ones here and there. did alot of sound recoding notes and drawings, and throughly experienced the red light area and went through alot of conflicting emotions while i engaged in the usual practices there.

This coming tuesday i am going to be creating an installation of all my findings so if any one wants to come along to that, great, it'll be at uni (howard gardens)

i don't really want to decribe or write down to much of what i got up to because its partly to do with hearing it in person and asking and answering questions in my final piece.
but in the installation on tuesday you can hear all my sound recordings of the trip.

i've just been reading up on COYOTE which is an organisation for the de-crimilisation of sex workers...which i think is my stand point...but i think im going to write up a few of my own thoughts/solutions and what not on the subjects.

first post from Amsterdam (well kinda)

polly — Tue, 08 May 2007 23:31:00 +0100

well i just lost my last blog post because of bad hotel internet but hey...here i go then! re-type!

well its the seocnd day here in amsterdam (research project) and i've had a massive packed day.

i had no interviews shedualed for today so i took today off to go to a few museums, went to the cobra museum, the Stadelich (spelling?) and i went to a christies auction house.

the cobra museum was amazing, it had modern art from the 50's onwards, painting mostly but it had this awesome contemporary exhibition upstairs, very political and up to date, with alot of graffiti art and intervention work.

im recording my thoughts on cassette tape at the ends of each day so i won't go into much detail here,

the christies auction house was weird because i was really underdress and the staff looked very evily at me , but it was good to see classical type painting up that close and to read the prcies that were going for them, the most expesnisve one was a cool half a mil!

then the stadelich which was relocated with a temporary exhibition was good, there was a solo exhibition of paul chans work which was all projection stuff, it was called something like lights and sketches, i had to rush it because it was near to closing.
there was a good mapping the city exhibition which i thjought jenni savage would have liked! it was good because i saw a valie export video of touch and tap cinema. and discovere da few new artists to look at

there were a few gilbert and georges, a bill viola and a few bruce neuman projections but all the work was really timebasedy so it was awesome , and a really good cup of tea in the cafe!

it then rained real bad and i got caught up in the rain in the red light district. a man tried to get me and mum to go into a sex show to get out of the rain but eh NO!

right well this wasn't the whole post but im worried it won't post so i'll re-jij this when i get back because i managed to print the original blog! k seeya bye!

Dear Dear, long time no blog eh?

polly — Tue, 01 May 2007 23:41:00 +0100

I often wonder who actually reads this?

i know Katie and James (my very good friend and Boyfriend) read this, but other than that...i don't see who would really.

Anyway i've had a busy few days, Was at London on the 25th performing at Tesco disco (http://www.tescodisco.co.uk/)

Which was curated by the lovely people at Animate:Space (http://www.animatespace.com/)

It went really well, i'll put some pf the phtos up from the night after this post.

I performed 'O more Please' a slight variation of 'O please' which had a shorter duration and the obvious different venue context.
It hurt alot more this time around than the first time, because there were people constantly around me looking at me, so there was rarely any time in which to ajust my position, this resulted in a terrible cramp towards the last hour of the night in which i swore very loudly under my velvet and endured till it passed. needless to say i had a terrible headache afterwards but was nontheless exceptionally pleased with how it had went.

Mixed reactions really, alot of people seemed to like it, some were worried about my health others really did not believe i was real, but all in all i confronted people with my representation of female and it could not have really gone better, minus the cramp.

Also a man slapped me rather hard on the ass at one point, i was fairly un-phased as im quite used to slaps on the butt and enjoy them emensly.

The people at Animate:space (Ollie and Jo) are such lovely people and i really hope i can work with them in the future.

So while in Mad london me and jim decided to culture up ourselves and went on over to the tate modern. Saw the fantastic surrealist exhibition and an amazing film by man ray and salvador dali (among others).
Then we went and paid £16 (and thats the student fare!) to see the Gilbert and George ehibition, which was damn good, really enjoyed their 70's work and the 90's work, not so much the 80's and present stuff, but thats the way time goes, fad's and all.
Bought a couple of books while there, a guerilla girls activity book (very funny) and a women artists one, and also a surrealists book for my father because he loves that stuff.

i didn't forget to drop by the Japan Centre and get my dose of mangacrack, spent £25 on manag i can't read, but i love love love the japanese design and stuff so bah, don't care! picked up a naruto volume, one with lots of shikamaru, yay.

anyway, for friday i pretty much just nursed my sore knees and head, and then staurday was work, sunday was food shopping and then monday was organising, today i helped out caz with her pedalpower cafe (http://www.pedalcafe.co.uk/) and then cleaned so now need to get cracking with putting all my final plans into motion.

Am off to Amsterdam next week for an art filled time, registered with Skype which is amazing, so i can make cheaper international calls so im all set....only hiccup as of late is that i'm having second thoughts about what i am exactly doing for degree show, so may not need to spend £150 on renting a room across from uni....but need to seriously think on that.

don't forget to check the photos!

xx

An /angry/ blog post

polly — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 22:52:00 +0100

the "scenes".

it whores.

im angry.

it frustrates me.

fucking pouts.

complete contradictions.

cheap tricks......

do we love to be what we hate? do we turn the introspective blind eye when we do it ourselves?

So earlier on i got a little angry, while trawling through myspace, as i so often find myself.
Its just the women, the way that they exploit the tradition that women can change their minds about anything and not have to explain themselves.

the "I don't believe you should do that, its degrading to our sex" and then a while later, they do the pout, the flash of muff, the teasing nipple, the blatant sex.

but i'm calm now, an cannot think of a rational arguement for this, people are allowed to change their minds, or make it seem like they have changed their minds. i just wish i could know that there was thought behind the decision...there might very well be...we just cannot see it.

On another note, am performing in London Wednesday, and am fairly sure i'm going to soil myself with worry...silly i know.
on a good note, Andre seemed pleased and encouraged me to keep at it, which made me feel less nervous.

i'm going to do some sketchbook work tonight and draw, also i am missing james an awful lot, he has alot of work to do...

Good news

polly — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 22:46:00 +0100

holy shit......

i got that show in london.

they called me up today and were like "we really want your piece to be in our show!"

and i was like o__o "rly?"

so yeah, awesome, its like a proper publicised show! in LONDON jeez im really excited. now to book my train tickets.

oh you can check it out at:

http://www.tescodisco.co.uk/main.asp

the show is the one on the right called "the dominatrix sleeps tonight"

man...im little nervous...its next week....they apologised for being late in confirming me but man...

also i got an interview with Mariska Majoor who is the ex-prostitute who founded the prostitution information centre in Amsterdam...that thats cool too!
Also all the Amsterdam preparations are going well, lots of interview requests sent and i also sent a request for an interview with the ministers of Women in the Labour government. that would be something.

all a little too good to be true!

ALSO! check out my photos, i got a few new ones up, mostly photo manipulations though!

PIC - Prostitute information centre

polly — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 22:47:00 +0100

so i've been writing letters and sending emails all this morning...keep putting off making that clench performance...i think it might make a better sort of week long piece, i was going to take the national exercise recommendations and replace regular exercise with pelvic florr muscle exercise...and record comfort levels and stress and such...maybe make a ...pie chart?

anyway, i sent this as a sort of letter template and just switched a few names and info around when sending to different people...

Hello,

My name is Polly Aplin, a practicing Artist in Cardiff, Wales. I am accumulating information for a book that is in pre-production. The project is concerned with women and what roles they play in today’s society, whether they feel free and independent and what culture changes have done to impact on their lives. The crux of the issue is sex, and how within the last few years the attitudes of sex and the applications of sex have changed, especially concerned with woman’s identity.

I am building a back catalogue of research before I tackle social experiments, and I want to speak to as many people who have knowledge of sexual and female history as possible.

I am primarily concerned with the UK and what impact the culture has here, but in order to gain perspective I wanted to visit Amsterdam and become involved in a community that has different, more relaxed views towards sex than the UK, and gradually build up a strong contextual basis for my study.

Reading through your website I was terribly excited about perhaps conducting a few interviews with the people that run this information centre.
I believe that speaking with maintainer(s) of the centre would prove very useful to my research.
My research leave to Amsterdam is from the 8th of May till the 11th (quite soon, i apologise but my leave was confirmed in the last few days)
If it is at all possible to schedule an informal interview i would be very pleased!

Thank you for your time

Polly Aplin

other than that im pretty sure i cut the inside of my mouth while eating dinner last night....now im not one to chew very well....i really should chew better....but while i was eating i swallowed and ouch, something dragged along the left side of my throat and its hurt and been sore since then.
we were ating crusty fresh bread...so it might have been a particularly sharp piece of crust....but since last night i've been a little paranoid that it was a HIDDEN RAZOR BLADE!!!!.....
or something like that...thats what i get for watching Derren Brown (magician guy who put some razor blades in mini roll cakes and got people to eat them and magic'd the blades away!)

anyway...should be working alot harder...but just...messing around really...

Amsterdam

polly — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 22:46:00 +0100

So i've been doing a bit of internet research for my up coming research trip to Amsterdam (8th till 11th of may)

so im trudging through all these websites about the first womens owned sex shop in amsterdam, the biggest live sex show theatre with an, and i quote "family atmosphere", and i find the very interesting prostitute information centre and hopefully, they will be happy to help me out with hooking me up with a few of the individual women that work in the sex windows.

and im horrified in the most strange way.

Shocked but excited about learning more about a community that works better than ours.
And im excited about the prospect of bringing some ideas back here to england that could help change attitudes.
And for the first time in a while, im ecstatic about the prospect of writing my book on the new waves of feminism.

i was sceptical at first, i thought well, going somewhere else is all well and good to gain broad knowledge, but im more about tackling the in-consistancies here in england, in remote communities, which are so hard to infiltrate because of their illegality.
But i really think that by working my way from open-minded communities to the more closed ones i can make some kind of difference and gain soe real perspective for my artistic practice.

Im fairly scared, amsterdam has its problems like any other community, because of their more tolerant sex and drug laws i believe they get more trouble with the extremes of these. i'm lead to believe there isn't a high rape rate, but i remember reading that they have trouble with the harder drug's being circulated.
i guess this makes sense only because the focus is shifted from the softer drugs due to legality and the harder usage is brought more into the light, sort of seesaw like.

I really hope some of the women are willing to be interviewd, and i'd -love- to take their portraits....or sit in on a session and...take notes(?!)

sometimes i think i may be about to bite off WAY more than i can chew with this ambition, but i hope something good will come of my research and book.

proposal for tesco disco

polly — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 00:43:00 +0100

So i've been busy, making a installation, moving it about in the centre of town, taking pictures, thinking of a new installation, planning trips to amsterdam for research, getting measured for my graduation gown etc etc but i found time to apply for a show in london on the 25th of this month.....hopefully i'll get in, scary.

------------------------------------------------------------
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Tescodisco proposal

Project title
“O more please”

Project Description
O more please is a revised version of a living installation I made late 2006 entitled “O please”.
The piece uses imagery gained from my research time with a practising dominatrix, glossy immaculate dress and exterior, with highly fetishlike themes.
The artist is a young woman; she is bent over presenting her behind. She is dressed in a short shiny black skirt and red high heels; the skirt only just shadows her exposed sex. Her upper half is covered from the waist up in thick heavy red material suggesting is there any more under the covering? Is she real? The artist remains fixed in this position for the entirety of the show.
This piece perpetuates a lad’s mag image of women, reducing the woman to body parts and costume, but encourages the audience to engage with the realities of this imagery, presenting them with a laboured representation on the part of the artist.

Artist Bio
Polly Aplin, in her final year of a Fine Art degree, tackles with female representation in the media and through various art projects, works to define feminism for her own.
Currently working on a series of works dedicated to conversation and information gathering on subjects surrounding morality of female activities, such as, women who strip, talking to a member of the public about the pro’s and con’s of stripping while I strip for them.
Artists statement available via website blog

Technical specification
For this piece I require the corner of a space, and a small piece of stage for me to bend over.
Preferably the space would be dark, with a single spotlight trained on my rear, although this can be sacrificed in case of space limitations.
I will provide my own:
Documenter and video camera
Tapes for recording on to (mini DV tape)
Velvet material for installation

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its a re-hashed version of a previous piece, but with a few different outcomes should some things happen. and possibly with an ending planned, where i actually make an action. but i need to brainstorm it first.

been reading lots of Psychopathia Sexualis, anyone whos remotly interested in sex or fetish or just interesting historys and ways of recoreding case studies should give this a little read.

in other news, my writer, Katie griffiths, has completed the prologue for our manga project over the summer, the prologue is posted on my Livejournal whic is my more illustration based journal.

http://magiccrackers.livejournal.com/

and also just a way of keeping up with my friends lives.....and being a member of weird communities...but i won't go into that.

kiss kiss

New installation and future plans and developments!

polly — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 23:59:00 +0100

Alot can happen in a day.

my installation which has been constantly pushed back since i started making it by unforseen hiccups is finally finished.......sort of, well i had it all set up, it looked okay, not too bad and i set up the light and leave it ready for viewing tommorow...go back to see it when i am about to leave and the light is off...the plug is super hot, so my lamp blew...great so what i have to do is not put it through the dimmer swicth, and hope for the best...also i'll have to turn it one each morning and off each evening, which means being in uni for longer than i really want to....at least it'll force me to work more.

so even though im working tommorow i'm heading into uni early to try and sort out the problem, and if it can't be sorted quickly then i've asked james to kindly sort out a light for me.

seeing as it opens tommorow (on the posters) i don't want to have to push back the dates anymore...

all i want to do is record a little of what noise people make when they enter the little space, take a few photos and then move it out into the street, which is my next stage in the installations process.

see i've been working on this idea for a couple of weeks and envisioned it as a room piece, confined to uni or a gallery, i originally dwelled on the idea of making it a street installation but thought better of it. now after seeing what it looks like, which is okay at best in my opinion, i beileve it would work alot better in the street. so next thursday i will be semi-performing/installing this piece in another incarnation throughout areas of cardiff town centre. i will hopefully be videoed and photographed (thanks james)

also, after this piece is done, i have an idea for a performance.
more like a performance exercise to see whether it would work as a performance. I thought of it while i was thinking about exercises i could make while in my room for my degree piece, which by the way i was refused of but now i have another prospective venue!
The performance this time around would be for camera, and at least 3 hours long. it would entail constant pelvic floor muscle exercises, as a sort of comment on the importance we now put in apperance and superficial qualities of our sexual organs.

some may say having a tighter pussy is great for both parties, i can't help but think its a waste of energy, i remember when it started becoming a big practice that it was touted as

"an exercise that you can do while doing other things!"

like hoovering? ironing? making dinner? massaging your spouses feet? while you read your jilly cooper novels? while you strip for your web-cam? or perhaps while your write that hard hitting feminist column for your fan-zine?

It makes me laugh because i think back to writings i looked over for my dissertations and practice research, about men fearing the vagine because they beileved it to have teeth and that they would be castrated should they be tempted into intercourse. the writings then go on to talk about instances of female "castration" where parts of the labia are lopped off, all very interesting mind you! but yes, pelvic floor exercises encourage the thought of taking a hold of men through strength of sex.

oh also fairly exciting news! Simon aeppli (our tutor) let us know of a festival in france that would be interested in a dvd containing performancce and video work from our college. being the only performer in attendance i took the task of organizing the performance side of the dvd, which will be extra work....but worth it, exposure and all that.

I also got quite excited about something which i saw the most recent E-digest:

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A.3) animate:SPACE @ TescoDisco, 25th April
Calling performers, live artists, scenographers, installation artists, sculptors, and video artists for an exciting happening at ‘Hedges and Butler’, Oxford Circus, on 25th April.

animate:SPACE was set up by MA Scenography and Architecture graduates who share an interest in unique performance events, which occur outside the constraints of traditional theatrical institutions. Their multidisciplinary approach to the design and facilitation of performances makes their events unique and important in providing a platform for new and exciting performance-based work.

We are currently curating an art/performance event on the 25th April for Tescodisco club. The evening is themed as ‘Dominatrix Sleeps Tonight’, although it is not essential that proposals follow this theme.

Please send no more than 1 page of A4 word document and 1 A4 jpg image file. Please include the following:
1. Name
2. Contact telephone/email
3. Project title
4. Project description
5. Artist bio
6. Technical specification

Deadline for application: 9th April.

For more information: window@animatespace.com

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Dominatrix eh? well having worked with one and currently awaiting more meetings with her (such a wonderful woman) i think perhaps i should try to put something in for this!

i'll be working on that from now on, and also the other stuff!